Becoming Your Own Biggest Fan: 7 Steps to Find Self-Love

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It’s hard to stay out of that comparison trap we often find ourselves in. We see what others have and want to measure ourselves against something unrealistic. We often hear the internal dialogue we were given. If you were more like . . .  If you could only . . .  This is what’s expected of you, but you’re not there. Ever notice that the spot we think is “there,” often moves when we think we’re close?

We often figure out who we are by first deciding who we are not. Too often, the comparison leaves us falling short of ideals that might not have been ours to begin with. Here’s how to step out of that trap via seven steps to loving yourself.

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1. Listen to your insecurities and figure out who that inner voice belongs to.

Is this a criticism that comes from you or is it an echo from someone else? Is it real? Is it relevant to your life right now? Self-beat-up doesn’t seem to age. It grows up with you even if you’ve outgrown the thing you are beating yourself up about. Love yourself by listening to your voice.

2. Accept the statement.

Let the truth of it really land and settle in. Is it even true? Does it align with your personal truth? Does it apply to you? Is the statement negative? Or was it once negative, but now it’s a strength of yours? Most of what others call out as a negative trait is one they haven’t learned to make a personal strength. I’m a bitch, and…

3. Trust yourself.

You are so full of magic that you can take care of yourself. You feed yourself. You wake yourself up each morning. Self-care isn’t always bon-bons and champagne in a candlelit bubble bath. You are doing the work of caring for yourself each day, and with every action you take. What you eat is self-love. What you do to take care of your body is self-love. Being gentle with yourself is self-love as well.

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4. Focus out so you can focus in.

Think of someone you love deeply. Think of how they make you feel. Think of the kindness and compassion you feel for them. Feel it deeply and enjoy what that feels like. Next, you get to surround yourself with that same feeling. Feel free to use a mirror if it helps you. Look at yourself with the same love you have for someone else that means the world to you.

5. Release the control of how others see you.

Decide what matters the most is how you see yourself. When you’re less focused on what others feel, you’re less likely to worry that you’re doing something wrong.

6. Assess your guilt.

If you’re feeling guilt about something, that’s likely your inner struggle with the right thing over the easy thing. Hold on to your integrity. That inner voice that knows right from wrong will help with any guilt you might feel.

7. Celebrate your wins.

This doesn’t mean everyone needs to know or celebrate all you do, but you should absolutely be the loudest person in your cheering section. You did something difficult? Celebrate your accomplishment. You did something you always do? Celebrate yourself for your consistency.

Yessica Reedy

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Yessica Reedy is a multi-ethnic single mother of 3 in Los Angeles. She holds a BA in English but works in Finance. She is the voice behind crushingthechrysalis.com and author of Memoirs of a Warrior Dragon Slayer: There's Room for More.

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